I am a gay man, a Unity minister, “and a portion of God made manifest.”
This snippet of a quote by H. Emilie Cady has given me joy and strength for many years now. The idea that I was any part of anything divine was foreign to me for much of my life. Growing up gay in the deep South… coming of age in the 70′s… I was immersed in the theology of sin-fall-redemption… of traditional Christianity.
My first time in seminary was a gut wrenching exercise in self-loathing, shame, and guilt. My inevitable crisis of faith was like a tsunami of anger, darkness, and shame. If God could not love me as I was created… then for me there was no God. Closeted until my 20′s, I came out with abandon, dismissing religion from my life and rarely looking back. My career and clubs (dancing, drinking, and drugs) took center stage in my life. I found all of my self-worth in a job well done and quickly self-medicated anything approaching a painful feeling. This roller-coaster seemed to work well for two decades… only occasionally jumping the tracks.
The bottom of the barrel found me homeless in NYC, strung out and lost, at the end of my long ride. Early one morning sitting on a park bench, the thought, “There must be more than this…” entered my mind. I knew I had to get a grip, make some changes, if I wanted to live. I moved to Florida, Mom providing a bus ticket. The next two years were a struggle. Getting work after years of being unemployable… drying myself out, beginning to put myself back together.
It was 2001 when I first visited a Unity Church… Unity of Panama City, FL. I was stunned and overwhelmed by the love, acceptance, and joy that I found there. It was palpable… in the energy, in the people, and as the minister’s message. God is Good. Your essence is of God, therefore you are inherently Good. Not fallen, sinful, broken, but spiraling upward… an expression of God made manifest. I began to read and study Unity and New Thought teachings and theology. I joyfully joined the choir, became a chaplain, and soon was on the board of this spiritual community.
Now a decade later, I am an ordained Unity minister and serve as Admissions Representative for Unity Institute and Seminary. I share as widely as possible, much the same message that I heard my first Sunday in Unity. One Presence, One Power, God the Good… and you are a portion of God made manifest. It is a message that many of my brothers and sisters in the LGBT community desperately long (and need) to hear. And it is a message that I continue to study and try to embody… I am a portion of God made manifest.
I know first hand just how shame and guilt can burrow deep in our consciousness and require regular excavations. Just when I think I am done and can move on… oops there it is. But it does get better, you get better at noticing and exorcising it. This is why I am so happy to be a part of an upcoming retreat at Unity Village!
Save the date for Out In The Open: An LGBT Spiritual Experience at Unity Village Sept 27-30, 2012!
This retreat is blossoming and bubbling with creativity. It will feature our friends Sal Sapienza, Robin Reiter, Skip Sams, Ken Daigle and yours truly! Musical guest TBA! Put us on your calendar and make plans to visit Unity Village next Fall…
Hope to see you there… Rev. Mark
